Sometimes we just need to succumb to the pain
by Andrea Powell, HPCCR Electronic Communications Manager
Editor’s note: This blog posted exactly one year ago today. I wrote it after attending the Light Up A Life interfaith memorial service at St. Martin’s Episcopal Church. It was my first experience with Light Up A Life and to say that it was meaningful would be a gross understatement. It was more than that. It was beautiful, emotionally draining, heart-wrenching, and unbelievably uplifting at the same time. (I know that these words together make very little sense, but trust me on this one.) After you read about my experience, please consider attending one of the remaining services this week. You will not be disappointed. To see the schedule of services, please click here.
My great-uncle Pick died last week, on his 99th birthday. He was my 100-year-old grandmother’s “baby brother” and yes, she still called him that. Although he lived in Texas and I really only got to know him later in my life, I enjoyed him so much when he visited. He remained mentally sharp, was a delightful conversationalist, and wrote thoughtful letters (even at 99, his handwriting was impeccable) to his family members and friends. He was a gem.
It was Uncle Pick’s name that I called at the Light Up A Life memorial service on Saturday night.
If you haven’t been to one of our Light Up A Life services, you are missing one of the most meaningful events of the holiday season. Even if you haven’t recently lost a loved one, just sitting through this service makes you appreciate our human capacity to deeply love. There was so much pain being released inside St. Martin’s Episcopal Church on Saturday night. But by the end of the service, much of that pain (hopefully) had been replaced by peace.
The music alone (from PJ Brunson and Laurie Neal of Ananda), was so moving that it made you want to weep for no reason. The poems were perfectly chosen; they spoke of remembrance and unbroken love that never disappears, even when a loved one leaves our life. The Oratorio Singers of Charlotte sang a piece called Sing Me To Heaven, which is when I think the tears started pooling in my eyes and leaking down my cheeks. It was a haunting a cappella song that closed with the lyrics, “Love me, comfort me, bring me to God: Sing me a love song, Sing me to heaven.”
And then came the lighting of the candles. I’ve never been a part of a more touching ceremony. Candles were lit, one by one, with each person saying, “I light this candle in memory of. . . .” Mothers, sisters, fathers, brothers, husbands, wives, sons, daughters, in-laws, best friends, grandparents, fresh losses, old losses–they were all mentioned. Some folks were able to call the names of their loved ones with strong voices. Others could barely speak through the tears.
So often when we are grieving, we are embarrassed by tears; we feel that crying signifies a weakness in our character. So we try to stifle our tears when we think they are not appropriate. But grief lingers. The pain might lessen over time, but the sadness never completely goes away. And sometimes we just need to succumb to the pain. Let it wash over us, and just wallow in it for a while. Because afterwards, we feel better. Stronger.
On Saturday night, the tears were there in spades but at the end of it all, we let the light of remembrance lift our spirits. We walked out of the church with red eyes, clutching wet tissues, but with smiles on our faces. Because truly, we have been blessed to love. And the ones who we remembered and honored on Saturday night, those who have gone before us, have been the lights in our lives.
Godspeed, Uncle Pick.
Explore posts in the same categories: end of life, grief, hospice, HPCCR Uptown Charlotte, Light Up A Life, religion, special events, spiritual careTags: Ananda, grief, holidays, Hospice & Palliative Care Charlotte Region, interfaith memorial services, Laurie Neal, Light Up A Life, Oratorio Singers of Charlotte, PJ Brunson, saying goodbye, St. Martin's Episcopal Church
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Hospice Matters 
January 19, 2011 at 5:30 pm
Thank you for your insightful and moving tribute to our Uncle and friend. He was such a gaint of a man and gave so much of himself to his family and his “world”. He had some amazing events in his life, meeting so many notables! He was our Forest Gump!
December 5, 2012 at 3:43 pm
[…] I’ve written about these services before. They are unique because they are more spiritual than religious in nature. They are simply gatherings of community members who want to honor the memories of loved ones they’ve lost. Each service includes music, poems, responsive readings, and one emotionally charged candle lighting ceremony. (Don’t say I didn’t warn you!) […]